I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
