you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
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Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize