Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
