while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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