her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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