Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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