Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
