i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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