Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
