if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He better not be in your backpack
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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