Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
