Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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