her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
