I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
