We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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