Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
that may or may not have been my penis.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
