It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you had me at cake vodka
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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