In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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