i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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