his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
