She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
