yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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