Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I am midnight drunk by noon
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
