This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
