yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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