What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
