first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
