Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
