My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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