I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
