He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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