You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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