i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
