made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
