she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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