I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
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Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
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Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.