i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.