First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.