actually, I'm a sock model
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
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For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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