you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize