I'm so fucking centered right now
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
