You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
