Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
