I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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