I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
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How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
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Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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