porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
