This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
