Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
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I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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