First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
it's like iHOP with fire
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
