You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
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I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
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I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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