you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
