i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Is it penis luge time yet?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
