TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
