i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
