life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
