Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
