we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
