If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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