Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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