Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
