I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
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Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
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Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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