How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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