my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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