this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I need to wash the frat house off of me
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
