Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
