Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you didnt know i had herpes?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
