you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
