"it" just moved
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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