i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
