me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
