I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
