hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
