your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
