I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
