She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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