I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
