The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
