I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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