On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
