my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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