i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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