First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
